Archive for the 'Ethics' Category

The Experience of Knowing

Published on October 14, 2007 in Ethics, Massage and Service. 0 Comments

On the shuttle bus ride to BART yesterday on the way home from school, I was in a conversation with a friend, and she was asking me how did I know that massage was what I wanted to be doing, how did I connect with my clients, as she was finding that the shiatsu training she’s had so far wasn’t working for her and that she felt remote from her clients still.

We started talking about how my work isn’t just about me trying to make money from my clients, but about helping them know themselves on a deeper level, and about knowing that the work that I do ripples out from me into the world, making the world a better place. I told her that a one of the biggest parts of connecting with clients is in turning off my own ego during the work sessions, and communicating that to my clients so that they know that my sole focus is them and the work we are doing together.

But how do I communicate that to my clients, she asked. I told her that it all starts with the very first moment that the client comes into my presence. I look at them in the eye, smile, breathe fully, welcome them to my studio. I listen to them, ask questions of them that show I have been listening, yet I keep control of the session so that they feel safe and have confidence in me. I move and speak slowly, calmly, not rushing, to let them know that they can do the same, to relinquish their burdens for a time. The first touch is performed calmly, but confidently, slowly, with gentle strength, to let them know that my touch is completely controlled and intentional. I will often spend a few moments palpating their body, feeling the places where they are holding, guarding, or are in pain or injured. This communicates to them that I am giving thought to their needs and planning out how I want to work with them. In short, I told her, I make it all about them, and not about me.

I give them an experience of knowing. Of knowing that they are utterly safe and cared for. Of knowing that they have nothing to do but simply be. Of knowing that they are worthwhile and dignified creatures, respected and loved. Of knowing themselves on a more deep level than before.

Finally, I said to her that service to others was the highest form of living, and through serving others we find transcendence and inner peace. Service to others is what creates a loving and more peaceful world, and is something we should all strive for in our small corners of that world.

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The Intention of Touch

Published on October 14, 2007 in Ethics and Massage. 0 Comments

zbear20zbear20 asks:

Just a follow up to this answer, since you practice massage therapy for a profession, how do you in your personal sexual encounters (as opposed to unpersonal? What a stupid choice of words,thought it may sound it in this question I’m not intimating that massage therapy = sex.)keep from having the touching and foreplay from getting old and too much like work?

Well, as you say in your question, massage therapy is not sex. At least, it isn’t for me. That’s not to say that I do not appreciate the beauty of my clients’ bodies. My clients are beautiful. But my work isn’t about having sex with my clients. My work is just that: work.

On the surface, massage therapy is physical labor. If you could see how sweaty I am at the end of a session, you’d understand that. But it’s much more. Massage therapy is healing touch. The broad flat strokes of effleurage calm the body’s peripheral nervous system. The calming touch of effleurage tells the client on both a conscious and unconscious level that they are in a safe, sacred space. That message allows a client’s breathing to slow, their heartrate to slow, their blood pressure to lower. Pettrisage, or the kneading and squeezing strokes of Swedish Massage, further that slowing, and stimulate deeper healing responses. That work is also more physically intense, and during the kneading of the client’s gluteals is usually when the first beads of sweat escape from my headband, flow down through my beard, and fall off my body, sometimes landing on my client.

But you ask how I keep from finding foreplay and touch in my sexual life from seeming too much like work. It’s pretty simple, really. It’s all about intention. In my work life, I do not open the part of my heart and mind that contains my sexual “energy.” I will sometimes use the sexual energy of my client and channel it back into the healing, but I will not give that part of myself in return. If a client becomes aroused, I will take that arousal and use it to take the client down a path that even more deeply connects them to themself. The client will go more deeply down, beyond sexual arousal, into a relaxed state of body and mind.

It’s important that my clients trust me, because through that trust they let themselves be both physically and emotionally vulnerable to the work, and through the work, to healing. I tell all my clients at the beginning of a session that “this time is all about you, and your comfort, relaxation and healing.” If a client doesn’t trust me, then their body will not relax, and they will not derive the full benefit of the session. Intense pressure on contracted muscles is painful, and not in the “hurts so good” way that the best massage sessions are supposed to feel. The body remembers, too. Sometimes a particular touch will trigger a memory, and this will allow for a cathartis. It’s not uncommon for clients to sob, moan, or all-out cry when on the table. A safe and trusting atmosphere is crucially important for that sort of healing to emerge. Trust between client and therapist is paramount.

Touch communicates so much. It’s not just mere sensation, but actually transmits information back and forth. After all, touch is the most primal sense: all other senses evolved from touch. At the most basic level what is hearing, other than the touch of vibrating air on the eardrum? The same is true of the other senses as well. Smell and taste are the touch of chemicals against the receptors in the nose and mouth. Sight is the touch of photons upon the retina. Yes, that’s a simplistic explanation, but true at its heart. Touch can communicate an array of emotions and ideas, and the giver of touch can shape what is conveyed through their touch to the recipient of that touch. What I try to convey through my touch to my clients is that they are loved, that they are safe, that they have inherent honor, dignity, beauty and respect, and that they are in control of their own lives and can allow their bodies to heal.

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FAQ: Will I be covered during the massage?

Published on October 14, 2007 in Ethics and FAQ. 0 Comments

Paul respects the dignity and modesty of his clients, and understands that each clients’ needs are different with regards to modesty. You can decide upon your level of draping. Generally, though, you will be draped to keep you warm and comfortable. Only the area being worked on will be exposed.

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